Martin and his wife Mel became parents to siblings in November 2023. At the time their children were 6 and 3. The children had been previously living in separate foster placements but by being placed with Martin and Mel it meant they could be together again at last.
Here Martin talks about his journey….
“Mel and I had always wanted to be parents. We weren’t able to conceive naturally and so tried IVF. We had two or three cycles and had some tough times with it, and got to a point where we thought, what now?
Mel always had it in her head that she was interested in adoption but I was the one who was much more wary – I didn’t know a lot about it and I think I had a lot of prejudices about it.
After yet another failed IVF cycle, we decided to take a positive step forward and start our adoption journey. We learnt more about adoption, listened to podcasts and read books. ”
“We’re both in our 40s and we have always known we wanted two children. We’re part of sibling groups ourselves and so we knew how important that was to us growing up.
Once we started to learn more about the children waiting to be adopted, we realised that there were a huge number of siblings waiting longer.”
Adopting siblings
Once we started to learn more about the children waiting to be adopted, we realised that there were a huge number of siblings waiting longer.
We also considered the practical side of going through the process and felt that if we were lucky to get both our children at the same time – we wouldn’t have to do the process again.
The main thing though that we really liked is knowing that the siblings would have each other. Whatever they’d been through in getting to this stage, they’d done it together, was so important. We thought that it might help them settle.
The process
It took about three months from being approved to being placed with our children.
Seeing our children for the first time was one of the most surreal moments of my life. We were sat in a car park, outside a playground and it was throwing it down and freezing. We’d already sent the children a video message saying that we couldn’t wait to see them and then there they were: standing together holding hands. My son had a spiderman hat on and our daughter was holding an umbrella, it was just incredible.
We had a beautiful couple of hours with them even though the weather was atrocious! I remember one point and there was a really high climbing frame, and my son was shouting “Daddy, daddy, can you help me down?” and the foster parent had to say to me – “Martin, that’s you.” I couldn’t believe he was calling me daddy already but that’s testament to how well the foster carer had prepared him.
We just couldn’t wait for the next meeting and didn’t want it to end.
Our son and daughter
Our children weren’t living together and although they’d had a little bit of time together each week through contact via their foster carers, when they came to live with us they also had to build up their relationship with each other too and learn how to live together.
In the early days Mel and I joked that it was too perfect, as between them there was never an argument or never a cross word. Our son is incredibly patient with his sister, and she really looks up to him. When she’s done something well at nursery she comes home and wants to show her brother too. They really do love each other.
Transitioning to be a family of four
Our son came first and actually settled quite quickly. As soon as he was with us he kept on asking about when his sister would be joining him. When our daughter joined, she had her suitcase packed and she was ready to go! I think it really helped both our children to settle with us quicker as throughout the whole process, even coming from different foster settings, they always knew that they’d have each other. Even though they hadn’t been living with each other while in foster care, their sibling bond was strong.
We made sure then we had time to build bonds for all of us – us as parents, for our son and daughter as siblings, and then all of us together as a family unit.
We have ‘family days’ together on a weekend where we take them on days out or to do something altogether like play games and they love this.
“We’ve also had so many special ‘firsts’ as a family – such as our first Christmas all together and talking about Santa the night before – the magic around this was just amazing. We took them on a holiday to a caravan in Blackpool and they had their first ever trip to the beach. And even though it was windy and pretty cold they sat there playing in the sand for hours and just loved it.”
We also know we’ve got so many more ‘firsts’ to experience to have together. And with siblings we get double the magic when we get to watch both their faces light up together.
Find out more
If you’re thinking about adopting Siblings, and want to find out more, contact your local adoption agency.
Adoption North West 